Women Do Not Need to Be Like Men to Be Valid
Only female sexuality is political. No one tries to exaggerate male arousal. Few people want to discuss male sexuality. Women are certainly not aroused by or even interested in discussing sexual topics. Feminist educators tell young women that they should be less intent on pleasing men. Just exactly what does everyone think women have been doing since the dawn of time? By siding with the male view, these educators are conforming to the male view of female sexuality just as much as any other woman.
Sex experts advise young women to masturbate, so they know that female masturbation is not a natural phenomenon (like male masturbation). But no one ever considers that perhaps this behaviour (of not masturbating) is normal for women. Noticeably, advice is always given on the basis of theory rather than personal experience. They know that sexual pleasure is more obscure for women otherwise they would not need to give the advice. No one tells boys to enjoy sex. There is no ‘should’ about sexual pleasure.
Some women eulogise about the clitoris but if girls were aroused, as easily as boys are, they would know that they need to stimulate their sex organ to achieve orgasm. Given orgasm obviously doesn’t occur naturally, experts are not forthcoming with explicit details. It’s just another form of bravado.
Other women assume that the sensations they feel from intercourse must equate to orgasm. They feel justified in lecturing other women on how easy orgasm is for them. But they have no idea about arousal or eroticism. In general women of all ages have very low expectations for sexual pleasure.
It is a form of bullying to tell women that they should experience something that they are very obviously incapable of. Men put pressure on women as a means of maximising their sexual opportunities, which is understandable given men’s sex drive. Women bully other women purely out of selfish ego, ignorance and the desire to make money, which is much less forgivable.
Today girls are advised to be sexually daring and self-confident. This sends contradictory messages to girls. Are they supposed to be sexually willing or should they aspire to a loving relationship? Some girls feel pressured by the implication that they are supposed to enjoy sexual activity with a lover. They are bullied into offering fellatio and accepting anal sex, for example.
Sex educators are often intent on telling girls that they can hope to enjoy erotic pleasure from sex. When it is suggested that young women should be encouraged to enjoy sexual pleasure, the idea is strongly opposed by many mothers. Mothers know from experience that women do not obtain the same pleasure from sex that men do. Even with reliable contraception, there are many occasions when a couple is caught unprepared. Men are often unwilling to use a condom because it reduces their pleasure. Mothers don’t want their daughters getting pregnant while providing male pleasure.
We will never be able to protect girls, if we are not honest about what they can expect from their sexual experiences. Images of female nudity on the internet give the impression that women are offering sex but many images are posted by men. Most of the money in the sex industry is made by men. Even women, who are promoting a sexual image of themselves, are not looking for erotic turn-ons for themselves (such as images of male nudity) or opportunities to enjoy their own orgasm. Girls need to appreciate this. Any woman who wants intercourse, can find it easily enough. It’s only when women try to make money out of men that they need to advertise.
The internet is full of images of women in various states of undress. Women use partial nudity to attract men and to signal their potential amenability to sex. Women feel entitled to display their bodies as long as there are no consequences. In situations where they are protected from male advances, some women enjoy the admiration they get from displaying themselves. A woman displays her body either to experiment (out of curiosity), for ego (to impress a man) or just for the fun of it (bravado)! But as soon as women get unwanted males sexual advances, they are angry, disgusted or offended.
When a woman admits a lack of orgasm, she is told to find another man. It’s as if we are telling girls they should approach life as an endless quest for a man who can ‘make them orgasm’. There is little concern voiced over the risks of pregnancy, sexual disease and the emotional upset that go with promiscuity. There is a view that adults only ever engage in sexual activity that ends with their own orgasm. Where would the human race be today, if women behaved like this? The idea that women can enjoy an emotional connection and giving pleasure doesn’t appeal. It’s not macho enough.
In general, men do and women talk. A man spends his life with work colleagues and other strangers. He focuses on achieving a goal such as making money. Most women prefer sharing their lives with those they love. Her relationships are central to defining the quality of a woman’s life. Women don’t really want to be like men. They want the respect that men have. Society awards honours to men, not because women’s contribution is not valued but, because we rely on men for defence and survival.
And yet, too many folks choke on the fact of innate gender differences in libido. Feminists equate a lower sex drive with inferiority. Feminism equates a vigorous libido with a healthy, even dominant ego. (Joan Sewell 2010)